Who are you?
I am an 18 year old Filipino American (whitewashed) who thinks about a lot of things, mainly the concept of influences.
Why did you make a blog?
I've realized that holding in these thoughts and scraps of feelings of mine aren't good at this point. Might as well type them in this blog like it's my journal. Besides, if I ever revealed or discussed about myself personally in real life, I feel like it would've been emotional baggage for the recipient, and I just can't do that.
When will you stop this blog?
Until I've reached my goal.
The goal being?
Until I find "him". The special person who's your reason for living. Until I find that someone who reaches out to me and I feel comfortable enough to drop the entire emotional baggage I've stored for 7 years onto him, and if he's indifferent past the emotional moment and he will still be there for me, then I've achieved that goal. Because that right there, is a close friend.
Who is this "boy"?
Someone who was very important to me. He'll be mentioned A LOT in my entries.
What if you don't reach your goal?
I don't know.
Why not seek a therapist?
It's a pride thing, as stupid as that sounds. I don't want to pay someone to listen to me, there's no genuineness in it, and I heavily emphasize genuineness in my life as both a social and judgmental factor. Part of me also thinks it's like a game, where I need to find "him" to win, to feel content in life, and seeking a therapist ruins that.
How are you going to format your journal?
I'll just write what I feel like writing. Sometimes it'll be like normal journal.
What if someone you know reads this blog?
Whatever, I'm bad at expressing myself, so at least you now know how I think and feel.
How often do you update?
At least once every two weeks.
Any final thoughts?
Don't think too much of my writing, because, well, it doesn't affect you personally. You have my O.K to make satire/fun of how edgy my entries are, or pitying me to world's end of how sad I sound, or maybe feel indifferent about my work all together. Just enjoy it.
