Destitute Clarity

Because without clarity, I would be in a state where everything and everyone has stopped.

Thinking to myself that I was pretty stupid that things will change on its own, handled itself.

Yet, I rely over and over again on the same foundation that things will be different this time.

Which means I would get the result from before, motivating me to become a lethargic being.

I had enough. Debate your fears. Answer the questions. Strive for the better, not the best.

Of life.

Without clarity, you can't see what's happening. It's absurd to live that way for a long time.

Absurd, but taking that long to realize that how my own foundation was flawed tired me.

Resulting an increase of loneliness, agonizing, crippling, a breakdown.

Everything seemed empty.

No response.

Time passes.

I forget and cope, that is my resolve.

I understand now, but it's not for the benefit for the well being of a person.

Rather, a soft reset.

The trade off for the declines of my mentality and how I feel gets erased on a psych approach,

I also lose the warmness of the people I care about in such instances that didn't reach memorable.

This conclusion is frightening, but even as I read this and dwell on the past:

Nothing.

Analyzing the past and what occurred back then, that's objective.

Wired to discard feelings of all sorts, only allowed to feel in the present.

What I'm afraid of most of all is going to happen.

"I'll lose myself."

But not with feelings, as I write objectively.

I didn't want this to happen, I didn't want everyone and everything to someday become meaningless.

That they're just facts and stories and instances and times and memories due to a wired standard.

I feel the absurdity of this developing way of thinking:

Yet, nothing. No plans to stop it.

So the least I can do is slow it down. 

Clarity, allows you to progress and regress, take action and feel helpless.

But worse of all, changes you.

Because you start to realize the new problems while forgetting the old.

Will it end? 

Is it possible, I can still strive for to end this crippling loneliness?

I hope so.

Towards those that I care about

And to you, the future.

Please check up on me.

At its core, I miss you and will miss you.

At least, that didn't go away.

So there's hope for me at the end.