Forced

Why are my conversations forced?
Is it because I'm too different?
Too jaded?
Too dense?
I just wanted to tell you
In the most casual friendly way
But my words are dry
And what lies in the superficial layer
Of a forced facade
Is what I failed to show
You
And how much you meant to
Me.
And the results never change
Because I don't know how
To "not" act
But to be okay
Requires something I discarded
Trying so desperately
Finding a reason
And obtaining it back
Forcefully.